Do you suffer from party panics?
Christmas is here and with it shopping, decorations, mulled wine and parties; office parties, club parties, friends parties and we mustn't forget all those whose birthdays come at Christmas (personally I have 4 'important' birthdays in the week leading up to Christmas). This is great news for all the socialites out there, with wardrobes spilling open with going out clothes but not so brilliant for all those who prefer a quiet drink in the local, or better still, a cocoa whilst watching the 10 o'clock news in bed. For some the mere suggestion of going to an office party can bring on a headache and that is before they have checked their wardrobe to find they have nothing to wear, ensured no-one is available to mind the children or repeated to themselves 50 times that “there is no point going, 'cos I'll just be sat in the corner on my own all night.”
If you'd rather be drinking cocoa than splashing on Coco (channel that is) then here are some tips to help you prepare for, and enjoy, the season's festivities:
- Change your 'self talk' When invited out, instead of responding with reasons why not, say “sounds great, I'd love to”. Follow this up by always talking positively about the evening; “I'm really looking forward to the Christmas party this year”; “I could do with a good night out”, “It'll be great to get dressed up for a change”... Whenever you say something negative catch yourself and immediately say the opposite. You'll be amazed at how quickly you start looking forward to going.
- Use your imagination Find a quiet moment to lie down. Relax by doing some deep breathing. Close your eyes and run a movie in your head. See yourself at the party, having a good time, chatting, dancing and laughing. Practice doing this several times and when you get used to seeing the pictures, imagine stepping into your body and hear some of the conversations you are having and feel how happy and relaxed you are.
- Plan Make a list of everything that you need to do and when each item needs to be done so that you can go and enjoy the party; book taxis and babysitters as soon as possible; make an appointment with the hairdresser; arrange a shopping trip with a friend. Leave nothing to chance and by the time the party comes you will know that everything is organised.
- Practice Get your dress shoes out and walk around the house in them. Put on the radio and dance around your living room. Get used to putting your make-up on and practice asking open questions (i.e. questions that need more than a one word answer; how, what, where, when questions), these can make conversation much easier.
Our experiences tend to match up with our expectations so, if you expect to have a good time then you are much more likely to have a good time. Now go forth and be festive.
How to cope if...
- you don't really know anyone at the party Use your imagination - see point 2 above. Arrive prepared with a list of open questions ready to strike up conversation and keep your arms in check, folding them gives off keep-away vibes, open arms and palms showing suggests openness and approachability.
- you receive a complement Say “thank you”, offer them a complement back and follow that immediately with a question e.g. “I like your shoes, where did you get them?” Do not respond by telling them how cheap or old your clothes are (or make any other negative statement).
- you are subjected to unwanted advances Remain polite and calm, state clearly that although you are flattered, you are not interested (do not give reasons) and move away, finding someone else to talk to.
- you bump into your ex Take a deep breath, breathing right down into your stomach (this is very relaxing), check your body language (so no crossed arms), acknowledge them with a nod or a simple “hello” and then continue with whatever you were doing before you saw them.
Sarah Pineger
